5 days...........

It's a sad week....

all started from sat...as usual, i called my parents when i wake up and don't see them home...they were in the hospital accompanying my grandpa to see doctor....

I thought it was just a normal routine as sometimes my grandpa goes to hospital to see doctor...

when i came back at night....my mum wasn't home...and i still thought it was normal...until my daddy called me in his room and said: " tomorrow wake up please go to the hospital to see ah gong...he is leaving us soon...he fainted at home and when into coma lying in the ICU...doctor revived his heartbeat and told us to be prepared........"

i'm so sad....really sad and worried that i could not sleep....canceled all the plan i have and prepared myself....suddenly in a mist, i heard daddy speaking to someone on the phone....for a moment i thought everything was over...ah gong woke up....

BUT...........................

daddy came in my room and said:" prepare yourselves and wait for my call, i'm going hospital now!!! ah gong had passed away..........."
my tears burst out......

when was the last time i saw him? when was the last time i spoke to him? i missed the chance to tell him i love him..........

1st day
it was tiring......went to grandma house before dad called and found out grandma did not know anything yet...was hoping and waiting for his return....heartache
did all the traditional routines......and ah gong back
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i know nothing about the routine but i find it so heart broken...we need to be on our knees..and call for him when his body is carried back...call him like we always do........

but i couldn't....trying so hard to hold back...eyes filled with blurry vision......
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i look at him after i'm dressed for routine...and talked to him....tears just fall....

day 2 - day 3
i stayed till the next morning as much as i could...its a traditional believe...no cats..no stopping of the joss stick and oil......

day 4
chants and chants and chants and chants that lasted for hours in the night.....
till....
i accompanied grandma back home....she look at me and said:" tomorrow sending grandpa away already right?" i felt the hurt...but i can't do anything to make her feel better and nodded my head....and she asked me the same question again.....

day5
the most upset and terrible feeling for the whole funeral...
chants....
and chants....
finally the helper closes the cover of the coffin....we cried....
getting ready....
we walked him....sobbing....i held my mum....tears just wouldn't stop....
board the bus to mandai crematorium columbarium...

on the bus~

everyone was so quiet not like how it always was since i was born....i only heard sniffing sound that goes all the way through out the journey.....
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we finally reached.....it was tough for us to hold back...everyone.....cried.....when we witness the coffin pushing in.....crying out loud....calling for him even daddy say we shouldn't.....but we just can't help....i can't remember when was the last time i cried so badly......and it was also the first time i saw mummy broke down.....she hold it for the past 4 days......and finally she couldn't....everyone broke down.....
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i really don't know how well should i describe the process....because the feeling is just so......depressing.....

i'm sorry